Weekend In Toronto

To say that my recent trip to Toronto was "good" would be an understatement. The blend of cultures, shades of skin, and variety of languages spoken created an almost magical elixir of diversity. I thought to myself, "This is exactly what I needed to keep my fire lit!" I needed to get outside of my norm, my Mid-West bubble, and be reminded that life exists outside of Grand Rapids, Michigan; life is happening in other forms and taking other shapes. Home is always comforting but variety adds a good spice that makes the appreciation of home greater.

I shopped in Chinatown, passed by a french cafe with the most delectable pastries (thumbs up to the pecan tart!), happened upon the NXNE festival featuring Digable Planets and The Pharcyde, and enjoyed sushi on Dundas Avenue. What was even better was that I experienced this with 6 of the most adventurous young people from the mentoring program at the community center I work at. This trip was a reward for them maintaining a 3.0 GPA. The reward was not only for them but me as well who, along with them, experienced so many new and unexpected things.

Take a look...

View from the ferry on the way to Toronto Islands

Just arriving in Chinatown

Mural on Dundas Ave

Sculpture in front of museum

Ahhhh the people of Toronto!

This sushi served by the most enthusiastic waitress on the planet...she was a doll!

Now that's desert!

Performance artists near the NXNE mainstage

Breakfast of Champions

Sculpture on the way to the ferry...

View from the ferry, on the way to the islands

I guess we were safe with all those life preservers huh!?

This beautiful scene was something out of a movie

Just a tip for any Parks and Rec department...a little encouragement isn't so bad:)

Strolling through the gardens on the Toronto Islands

Four-person bike ride anyone? It was all good until our chain popped...that's what we get for trying to race!

Of course I had to have a contemplative moment in there...so typical of me...

Nothing like a bit of street art to brighten my walk

The Games We Play

My artistic mind is a web of complexities; always deciphering, conceptualizing, and mulling over this or that idea. I understand where God has placed me and why I have been in certain positions. However, it is time for the when-will-I-move-on conversation to change to how-will-I-move-on. No more of the pity parties and whining. Thank God I have Life!!

When I think back over my life and recall big decisions moments, nothing significant happened until I made some sort of move in the direction I wanted to go in. When I wanted to go to college I started looking for schools. I knew exactly what kind of program and environment I wanted so I looked at schools that could offer that. When I left my former job and came to my current job I had no idea if I was qualified for the position but I applied anyway. Not knowing what I was walking into I stepped into it full of excitement, doubt, fear, and anticipation. Turns out it has been one of the greatest learning experiences and turning points of my life. When a teaching opportunity came along again I had no idea if I was capable of leading a classroom. But God was there in the midst of all my insecurities and led me through the semester successfully. When I bought my house I really had no idea of what was in store! Even now, moment by moment in every project, God has provided resources (e.g. finances, people) to help me. "I will never leave you or forsake you..." is coming to life for me right now.

Now I have reached a moment of making yet another decision; stepping out while fearful and unsure of the outcome. Things are in motion but nothing concrete for me to rely on. But then I have to ask myself, "When has God ever let me down?" When has He left me hungry, homeless, or broke? Never. So why would I doubt His divine ability when I can look back over the last 5-7 years and see clear examples of how He has worked in my life? I feel like the Israelites right now...just looking at miles of desert sand instead of remembering how I was brought out of Egypt!

Well, it's not about beating myself up but instead taking a good look at the condition of my mind and heart while preparing to move forward. I have to take the first steps to be obedient to the call in my heart. There is no other way around it. Dust myself off...prepare the package...get the studio ready. Period.

It starts here. Right now. With me putting one foot in front of me, putting the wheels in motion, doing all I can do and letting God do the rest.

I need to let out a big scream!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
　
　

Chatter / Food / Victory

Seems that we all deal with external influences (e.g peers, friends and "friends", family) that feed our psyche and in turn have the potential to determine our course of action. Thing is, we don't always realize the power we have in our own thoughts and actions.

This sushi roll yesterday hit the spot! I love it when I run into some sort of food special unexpectedly (it was 1/2 off sushi day at this restaurant). It's in the little things that make me happy most times.

As I sat and "people watched" through the gigantic window of this local food haven, I thought about the small joys of life that add to my happiness. And even more than that I realize that doing things that bring peace in my life is an intentional act. You know, I spend a lot of time thinking about how I would like my life to be; what I should be doing and how I ought to spend my time. I laugh a little to myself because what exactly is thinking about my life going to do? How about living it?!

I'm one step closer in the challenge of change. Not in my own effort I tell you that. This morning I had every intention of waking at 5:30, having a run and getting my day started with a good dose of meditation and prayer. Well, the run happened just not at 5:30! What I thought was the "snooze" button was actually the "alarm off" button and I ended up waking up an hour later than intended but nevertheless the running commenced! Next challenge: stop hitting the snooze. This all all about baby steps, no doubt. I'm over trying to change my whole world in a week. That's lunacy. Besides where does that leave room for God, the agent of ALL change?

There is also a part of me that needs to celebrate progress. Often times I get so caught up in how far I need to go that I miss how far I have come. I'm taking a moment to reflect on the many days behind the counter a coffee shop...ringing up folks on a cash register...cleaning toilets and making beds as a hotel housekeeper...checking movie ticket stubs at a theatre...assembling cardboard boxes in a factory (that hot glue gun should be illegal for human use)...listening to complaining customers in a call center...the list goes on for years. I suppose keeping a taste of inspirational dissatisfaction in my mouth will keep me on my toes:)
-G

Tuesday Blog: Desire Alone Isn't Enough

"As a man thinks in his heart so is he..." That verse in Proverbs pierced my heart this morning and brought me to tears. It was like a revelation of the power I have been given through my thoughts.

Change is a process and it's often a lengthy one. I am feeling a bit out of sorts this morning. Trying to go about my day without writing and meditating has left me unsettled. Why I continue to ignore the things that truly bring me happiness and steadily invest in things that drain me is a mystery. Actually its not, I just don't want to admit to myself how lazy I have been. I like to think of myself as "having it together" but what am I really doing if I keep finding myself with this taste of dissatisfaction in my mouth?! And the dissatisfaction is with me; not my job, family, money or men. But me. Could this be my perfectionist side talking? I don't think so because perfection is unattainable on this earth. What I am talking about is absolutely attainable if I put my mind and strength behind it. But why is it that the things I don't want to do I do and the things I want to do I continue to push aside?

Last night I realized that desire alone isn't enough. Desire by itself is like gasoline without a spark. In and of itself it holds the power to fuel a car, a motor coach or even a tank but without that tiny little spark it's just standing liquid. That's what I feel like right now "standing liquid". The spark that ignites desire is action; desire combined with action is an unstoppable force. Whether used in a positive or negative way, desire plus action in habitual practice produces change. I will never be any different from the state I am at this very moment if I don't put action behind my desires. It's kind of scary because if I do that something will happen! The reason why people live such complacent, boring lives is because there is no action that follows their desires. I believe we all have the potential and capacity to be great but what we do with the dreams and visions God puts in our hearts is up to us. Free will is a trip.

So, I'm presented with a challenge (as God always seems to do so eloquently). Do I (a) continue to let my mind be ruled by fear and flat out laziness, robbing my dreams of the opportunity to manifest or (b) get up, dust myself off, give myself a swift kick in the rear and get going!

"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord "plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future." I have the assurance that everything will be alright. Not easy but alright. I don't want to go through another year (six months even) knowing that I didn't put my all into what God put in my heart to do. I don't have all the answers and sometimes I have no idea what will happen next. But one thing I do know is that I can't look back on my life knowing I had the chance to grasp greatness but not the courage to reach.
 
G

Friday Blog: Living My Life Like It's Golden

My first semester of teaching at WMCAT is under my belt. What a freakin' miracle! In the beginning I was so full of nervousness and excitement; uncertainty and high expectations filled my mind. But in the end what was produced was the result of authentic hope and unbridled creativity. There were moments of shear joy and confidence as well as fear and feelings of inadequacy. All I know is that I was divinely equipped to accomplish what I did. This is proof that nothing I do is in my own strength.

What an interesting time in life...I mean, talking with a friend recently helped me realize that I have never been this close to doing to doing what I love to do. I can remember a time when I spent countless hours behind the counter of Four Friends coffee shop, staring out of the window wondering what direction my life was going in (and asking myself "When will I ever get out of this coffee shop!?"). I can remember feeling like what I wanted out of life was attainable but I just didn't know how to get there. Everything seemed so elusive; made for someone else but not me. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my art or what my work stood for. I used to get so caught up in what other people would accept as “art” while ignoring my own creative visions. I think a lot of artists get caught up in that when money becomes the focus. You want to sell art so you conform and compromise to the standards of others while little by little your artistic value and identity begins to deteriorate. I think that's when I had to stop and ask myself what I wanted to stand for; what did I want my work to represent. I came to the conclusion that I wanted my work to become a part of humanity; to represent the collaborative and unifying power that art has the capacity to create and to allow others to view the essence of who I am through words and imagery. Hopefully somewhere in all of that someone will connect with my work in a way that stirs their thoughts, makes them uncomfortable, fills them with joy or inspires them to look deeper within themselves, their society and their choices. I believe art can be a vehicle for change and I want to live my life knowing that I used my "powers" for good.

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This mornings meeting with the folks I am collaborating with for this years Artprize left me with an assurance that this thing is just going to get better and better. There are times, when doing big projects like this, that things seem all over the place. That's usually because I'm trying to figure things out myself. Attempting to put all the pieces together myself is ridiculous and unnecessary. Sometimes God has to put something so big in your life that you have no choice but to trust in him. This is one of those things because there are so many elements of it that are out of my hands. I love it though because all I have to really focus on is the art itself. How often does an artist get this kind of opportunity!? So, I have learned a valuable lesson today; do all I can do, let God take care of the rest and enjoy the ride along the way.

G