My artistic mind is a web of complexities; always deciphering, conceptualizing, and mulling over this or that idea. I understand where God has placed me and why I have been in certain positions. However, it is time for the when-will-I-move-on conversation to change to how-will-I-move-on. No more of the pity parties and whining. Thank God I have Life!!
When I think back over my life and recall big decisions moments, nothing significant happened until I made some sort of move in the direction I wanted to go in. When I wanted to go to college I started looking for schools. I knew exactly what kind of program and environment I wanted so I looked at schools that could offer that. When I left my former job and came to my current job I had no idea if I was qualified for the position but I applied anyway. Not knowing what I was walking into I stepped into it full of excitement, doubt, fear, and anticipation. Turns out it has been one of the greatest learning experiences and turning points of my life. When a teaching opportunity came along again I had no idea if I was capable of leading a classroom. But God was there in the midst of all my insecurities and led me through the semester successfully. When I bought my house I really had no idea of what was in store! Even now, moment by moment in every project, God has provided resources (e.g. finances, people) to help me. "I will never leave you or forsake you..." is coming to life for me right now.
Now I have reached a moment of making yet another decision; stepping out while fearful and unsure of the outcome. Things are in motion but nothing concrete for me to rely on. But then I have to ask myself, "When has God ever let me down?" When has He left me hungry, homeless, or broke? Never. So why would I doubt His divine ability when I can look back over the last 5-7 years and see clear examples of how He has worked in my life? I feel like the Israelites right now...just looking at miles of desert sand instead of remembering how I was brought out of Egypt!
Well, it's not about beating myself up but instead taking a good look at the condition of my mind and heart while preparing to move forward. I have to take the first steps to be obedient to the call in my heart. There is no other way around it. Dust myself off...prepare the package...get the studio ready. Period.
It starts here. Right now. With me putting one foot in front of me, putting the wheels in motion, doing all I can do and letting God do the rest.
I need to let out a big scream!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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