It's a tough pill to swallow when a girl realizes she's been settling; not just with men but in other areas of life as well. The act of settling has a funny trickle down effect. If there is one area of negative compromise in life another one is probably not too far off.
I recently shared about a situation with a man that I had to let go of. That "letting go" process is still well..processing. I think the longer you have been with someone the longer it may take to move on from it. Reality hit me yesterday that this particular gentleman and I are not in the same place in life and that's probably the reason why I find myself frustrated often. There were red flags long ago but I made the classic mistake of thinking he would change and "come around". Big mistake. Things between us have not evolved the way I had hoped, it's been a year that we've been doing this dance and it's time to bow out gracefully. It's hard for me to do that because I had such high hopes for this particular situation. Something about the one-year milestone has put me in a place of reflection and analysis. Which I think is fair. I mean, I have to ask myself questions like, "What has happened in the past year?" "Have we grown in a positive or negative direction?" "Is this relationship building me up or tearing me down?". If I don't take a moment to assess the condition of the relationship and my role in it then it turns into just floating through life and merely existing with someone instead of sharing and enjoying life with someone.
On top of all that there was another situation looming in the background. There was another guy I had held interest in for the last couple of years that showed his true colors yesterday also. (We all have a "reserve" on stand-by...don't be so shocked). Come to find out all this dude wanted was sex and he wasn't afraid to share that with me. I was shocked! I'm about to be 32 years old and I felt like a teenager in high school having a conversation with a boy asking if he could "hit it"...it was utterly ridiculous! It was one of those moments when you shake your head and say to yourself, "I can't believe I'm having this conversation right now!?" ...and then you let out a very deep sigh as you come to the realization that no matter what it takes, settling is not an option. You tell yourself you're worth more than a half-ass relationship with someone who is only willing to give pieces of himself and another someone who is overly occupied with sex and just wants a fling. No matter how insanely gorgeous they both are...
Coming to the truth about these situations has made the last few days pretty rough emotionally. Not only dealing with their actions toward me but also looking inward and realizing that there are flaws in me that contribute to these situations. However I am strengthened by knowing that I have been through worse and seen the other side of it. Not only that, I came out of the fire refined and more valuable. Situations have a tendency to do that to us; push us to our limits where we have no where else to go but to God when actually we should have began with God in the first place. It will take some time for me to build healthy attractions to worthy men. Being drawn to the unavailable ones for so long has given me a bent toward a certain type. But I am ready to change my "taste" and experience a new flavor. As I take the first small step in a new direction I know that grace is within reach to meet me.
Live Authentically,
G
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