Almost Fallen

My life moves at a frantic pace these days. That comes with the territory of taking on new responsibilities. A personal sign that I moving too fast is when I start dropping the ball on things; forgetting meetings, not following through, rushing to appointments, or scrambling to arrange things. For the past month, as I have adjusted to a new schedule, I have felt like that. My human nature is inclined to attempt to handle things myself first. Why is it that I try on my own first, stumble and then ask God to get involved? I ought to begin with God and then move right? You would think that's the obvious choice but lately I have proven to myself what my true nature is. I get what Paul was talking about when he said,”...the things I don't want to do I do...” There is a constant conflict within me: going my own way vs. submission to God. Just because I am a believer doesn't mean that life is peaches and cream. Salvation actually provides another way of life that has to be chosen on a daily basis. Just like any other relationship in my life, I have to choose to allow God to be involved in my daily activities instead of expecting him to clean up the aftermath of my discrepancies. Love is work, it isn't passive.

I'm considering the cost of following/pursuing my dreams. It's much more than I imagined. Not in a way that is discouraging but in a way that calls on strength that's beyond me. I have been reminded of my limitations a lot lately. As the words of Donnie McClurkin's “Great Is Your Mercy” ministered to me this  morning I thought about how much God provides for me. Every morning, every moment and every day is a new opportunity that God is allowing me to honor him through whatever I am doing. I was going to say that every day is another chance to “get it right” but there is nothing I can do to get it right...that was already done for me on the cross. I don't know why I think I have to justify myself before God by trying to do “right things” when righteousness was already established for me through Christ? Mmmm. Having a full understanding of that fact will help me breathe easier and live this life.

So, I am letting myself off the hook and erasing the self-imposed title of Perfectionist off of my mental moniker. My mother always said to “let go of your self-consciousness and become conscious of your true self”. My true self needs to make some changes in my life and come back to what I love the most; to slow down and remember that it was the tortoise that won the race, not the hare.

Live Authentically,
G