I missed him terribly last night ("him" shall remain nameless). I've always felt it best for me to acknowledge a feeling, feel it and let it pass. Pretending as if it's not there does more harm than good to my spirit. I'm no Superwoman. I hurt, get lonely, and cry when I need to. I'm very human and very woman.
I remembered the feeling of his arms around me...his voice and laughter...remembered the scratchy feeling of his beard against my cheek when we embraced. I wanted to call...to talk...to laugh with him again. But what good would that do? That would do nothing but keep my emotions just frazzled enough to never truly move on. I don't want to remain in a place where my mind is wrought with unhealthy thoughts that keep me in state of self-pity. If I know one thing it's that the Refiners Fire is hot...and out of the heat comes the purest and most valuable substances. I thought to myself, after spending enough time gazing into space with reminiscent thoughts, “What can I do differently this time?” When past relationships have ended there is always this “mourning period” when time seems to stand still. Every moment is remembered and gets re-evaluated as if there will be answers hidden in the past as to where and why it all went so wrong. Sometimes this period lasted longer than others depending on the length and depth of the relationship. Time has always been my salve; the natural process of weeks and months passing have acted as rehabilitation. My question to myself this time is how can I use this time differently? More productively rather. Doing what I have always done and expecting different results is quite ludicrous actually. I'm interested in using this time...this circumstance in a way that will actually produce something. Instead of letting it produce whatever it wants in me, through the pain something wonderful can be created. What could that be? Mmmm...well, after all I am an artist and situations like this are the perfect breeding ground for masterpieces. Disappointments aren't always a bad thing you know. Sometimes they are just the catalyst we need to wipe the smudges off our eyes to clearly see a better way.
Live Authentically,
G
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