Choose Your Own Adventure

I'm beat from a week of emails and phone calls, meetings and lesson plans and too many cold trips to the bus stop to even think about. This week was particularly crazy and I felt pretty scatterbrained to say the least. Yesterday I felt myself getting snippy with my co-workers...and they sensed it. That's when I knew I was getting off my rocker; when you get an attitude with folks you love for no reason it's time to step back, shut your mouth and do a self-check. That's exactly what I am doing tonight. Instead of a night out with the girls, I'm taking a much needed break from socializing. Even though I am missing out on some good old fashion networking and possibly a few classic moments of hysteria...I think (I hope) my girls will understand.

Now THIS is how to chill!

The implementation of a new schedule and responsibilities took its toll on me this week. So much so that I felt an un-welcomed sense of frustration and even resentment toward my new found duties. Where in the heck did this come from? It is interesting how we hope and pray for God to bless us and then because of irresponsibility and poor management we resent the very thing we prayed for. How small minded of me to think that greater responsibility would not bring with it greater challenges. I am being pulled into an arena that requires greater practices of time-management, deeper levels of creative thinking and most importantly assurance of my position and purpose. Can my little human mind even comprehend all of that?! Well, the great thing is that I don't have to figure it out all on my own. I have a great God on my side.
I don't feel adequate or qualified for what lies ahead of me. This isn't a self-esteem issue but more like a recognition of my human limitations. There comes a point, and that time is now for me, that you have to come to grips with your own finite abilities; when you meet yourself where you are now, not in the mystical, idealized place we all envision. This is the place where you take a deep breath and take a good long look at the State of Yourself. If you don't like what you see...change it. The opportunity of self-examination is not one to be taken frivolously nor acted on in thought alone. Any good opportunity starts with a thought and is followed by an action. Fortunately I get this opportunity often! (lol) I feel the difference now is that I'm interested in actually changing my actions/behaviors, not just thinking about changing.
I am not in this place alone, thankfully. God is with me. It's been a bumpy road this week, I don't have it all figured out (thank God that's not my job) but I am getting stronger and definitely growing from all of this. I feel like everyone has a choice to make in regard to what kind of life they will live. Life doesn't choose for us, we choose how we will live. No matter what our circumstances, the gift of free will and choice is always at our disposal. That's the awesome thing about God; he didn't create robots when he made us. We all have the ability to choose how we will live. I choose life...and love.

Live Authentically,
G