Live Happy

What a crazy day! Started off with missing the bus (which threw everything else off), then headed to the ENT doc who proceeded to remove a wart from the inside of my nose...yes, the inside. I wish I could say how gross and uncomfortable it was but it wasn't all that bad. I have suffered from frequent nose bleeds for years. Not just light bleeding, I'm talking slight hemorrhaging.Well, maybe not that bad but it seemed that way. Turns out I had a wart on a major blood vessel in my nose that was causing the bleeding. Odd to think that warts can just appear in random places and cause such inconveniences. I get to the doctor's office not knowing what to expect and the whole procedure went quite well. Honestly, I kind of wanted to see the wart itself but that nurse had a quick hand when she put it in that plastic tube thingy. Rats! This whole experience was coupled with blistery wintery Michigan weather that can make any situation seem more dramatic than it actual is. Finally I made it to the office which was pleasantly warm and cozy..no need for the afghan that usually gets wrapped around me.

The day began to wind down as I arrived home.

Home has a new ring to it these days. My new "roomies" are officially moved in! My parents that is. It is good to have more life around the house (other than my overly feisty cat). My mom used the word "delighted" when she described her feelings about being here. When I asked God to put whoever he saw fit in my house as housemates I never suspected he would deliver my folks! He knows exactly what he's doing though, it's all divinely perfect! My mom and I were standing in the kitchen talking, over peppermint tea and a wonderful home made dish from a friend,  about the transition and she said, " I want to live happy". Not just have happy moments but live happily. I know that's right Mom!! I am peaceful about the decision of my parents living with me. Most unconventional in American society I know. But it's about time society stopped dictating our decisions and how we live our lives anyway. I don't just feel happy, I am happy.

"Golden"

I feel like my life is changing...has changed rather. Newness is coming with the changes in my life. New housemates. New job. I can sense a distinct shift happening in my life. It's going to take a moment for my brain to catch up with all that's happening. It's funny because I can feel all this change happening but my body...my “norm”...is fighting against it. It says, “Just keep doing what you've been doing. You don't need to do anything different. You're life is fine the way it is.” That's the complacency in me talking. We all have a little bit of that lying dormant in us. It's a continual, intentional struggle to come against that uninvited guest. I woke up this morning, thanking God for His beauty, and allowing my mind to begin to settle into the Change.
I had a great conversation with a friend yesterday and she reminded me of my value and my life's desires. She said, “I want to see you traveling, writing, and posting pictures on your blog of all the exotic places you've been to!” She couldn't have captured my hearts desire in better words. It's more that the traveling, blogging, etc. For me, it's about enjoying life and actually living it. Why should I just look at pictures in a travel magazine, why not go there? Why should I just talk about things that would be fun and exciting to experience, why not do them? Why should I spend my time watching people on TV go after their dreams or create something out of nothing..is that possibility not available for me to? I believe it is and it's time to go after it. Years of preparation, teaching, failing and trying again have led up to this season of my life. I'm scared, no doubt. But, in the presence fear I will still move forward. Eventually the momentum will override the fear.
I began a new teaching job a few weeks ago and my class will begin on Tuesday (whoa!). My parents will be moving in with me this week (whoa again!). There is a very special man in my life who I have to take my grip off of and let him be free to be himself ; to discover his path and grow on his own (that's a hard one...deep breath...). These situations are forcing the mold I have lived in to be reshaped. Which means there will be painful moments and frustration but there will also be tremendous rewards awaiting me. I can't presume to know that the next 6 months will bring. It would be cliché to say how excited I am and how fantastic everything is going. That's obvious. The underlying truth is that a lot of my insecurities have been revealed in this transition. However I have been empowered by knowing that the more I lay before God the more I can be strengthened and equipped for what's ahead.

I'm ready.

Tuesday morning thoughts

A friend of mine recently experienced a rough situation that left him asking, "Why did this happen?" He was perplexed by the way he was treated and by the fact that the situation even occurred in the first place. I had no answers for him, no advice to give. It was one of those moments when nothing rational can be said you just have to carefully wade through it until the other side is visible. Such a random occurrence made me think about the way God uses everything.

Everything is relative. No situation or experience is wasted. The things we endure may not make sense in the moment but everything that happens is part of a larger pattern. Like puzzle pieces fit together over time and meticulous searching, life situations weave together to form a final picture of our purpose.

Where I Belong

I have been fudging around with this blogging thing for the last couple of weeks. I always tell myself I will write in the morning...then the morning turns into the end of the day...then the end of the day turns into the next morning. You see where I am going with this. My mom said something that hit me the other day. We were out shopping for all sort of techy goodies and she mentioned that all she wants to do is make art and write. That statement felt like a brick to the side of my thick skull! I could not have said it better myself. Where I find the most joy is in my art and when I write. So why is it that I don't seem to carve out enough time for the things I say I love the most? I put it off as if Time is infinite and my body will always be 31 years old. How foolish of me! I heard another profound statement on the radio the other morning from a musician who was telling his story about breaking the news to his parents about his decision to pursue his music instead of a military career. His father said, "Success isn't measured in financial dividends but by how happy you are with what you do." The fact that this man went on to sell millions of albums and win like 8 Grammys testifies to the fact that the doing part of having a dream is just as vital as the dream itself. Dreams are risky. But how unfulfilled would life be if a risk was never taken?! How the state of our world would be different had no one ever taken a risk or made a sacrifice? Measuring success by the state of my joy would transform my perception on a lot of things and perhaps give the work of my hands a bit more meaning. I am not saying the work will get easier...that's not what I am after. I am looking to get back to where I belong. Back to the place where my heart, mind, time and energy is where my Creator needs it to be.

Live Authentically,
G

Just Friends

You know that feeling you get when you're learning a life lesson? Kind of like swallowing a cotton ball. Not that I have ever attempted this but it sounds pretty unpleasant. Well, that's how I am feeling right now. I realized something about myself today. Truth is, when I don't get my way...I pout. How ridiculous! I have this internal temper tantrum like there is a little 5 year old living on the inside of me! Ha! Oh this is too funny! (I'm glad I can find this humurous otherwise I would probably be pretty ticked off).
The situation is a classic one: trying to be friends with your ex...a recent ex. Well, I guess I can't really classify him as an ex but who really cares about the technicalities and terminologies of dating. It is what it is. I am in that funky transitional phase...can't really call as much, can't really see each other too often, you get demoted from "dating" to "hanging out". You know exactly what I mean. Truth is I would like to be able to hang out like regular people. You know, have dinner...take a walk...go to a concert. But without all the extra emotions that make things complicated. Obviously I am asking for too much. But in reality I am guilty of making things complicated. I'm not putting all the blame on...let's call him "Diego" (I've always wanted a boyfriend named Diego, don't ask me why)...him. I've had my moments of emotional instability and attitudes that make for a complex situation, but Diego has had his moments as well. So when the dust settles and you try to be "just friends" there is so much smoke to get through it's hard to see clearly; see the real reason why you're still working at it. In my experience situations like this take much time. I have a very good relationship with my ex-fiance' (yes, I almost got married but that's another post) but when I say it took time I mean years! So I know for a fact that the man/woman/ex friendship is possible.
What this situaiton has taught me is that forgiveness is not passive but intentional and progressive. Love bears a heck of a lot and once again, it's not all about me. Just swallowed another cotton ball...

Living Authentically,
G

A sinus infection that does a body good

“Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also” (Matthew 6:21)

Where has my heart been? Wrapped up in someone or something no doubt. As many times as I have read Matthew 6, verse 21 just resonated within me. Where has my heart been? I guess I haven't even paid much attention to the condition of my heart or what it has been in love with. You know, it is so easy to say with our mouths that we love God but are our actions in alignment with our words? It is the same with people. We can go on and on about how much we care or love this person or that person. But the test of the matter comes down to what we do and not what we say alone. This is especially interesting in regard to matters of the heart. Because our hearts can carry us down a river of thought and emotion before we have even lifted a finger. We can convince ourselves in our minds and hearts that we love God, or people, but nothing in our actions says so. Quite a contradiction of character I think. I'm guilty of all the above; loving God and people in my heart and mind but not in action. I recently read somewhere that true humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. How much time in a day do I spend wrapped up in my own problems? How much energy do I exude on deciphering the issues of my life?
Humility and honesty have been in the forefront of my life lately. Living an authentic life is something to be embraced slowly and with assurance. Perhaps this sinus infection I have battling the past several days is just what I needed to slow me down and get me in a place to learn something. Interesting how God works isn't it?

Skinny Jeans and Soy Lattes

Well here we are again...the beginning of a new beginning. Some may say new years is just another day but I am a firm believer in ending well and beginning well. Therefore it's not just another day for me. I told myself I wanted to do something different this time around to end the year. Usually I attend a watch night service but the church I was planning on attending didn't have a service this year. So my options were to stay in, have some reflection time and a glass of wine, or go out with the girls. I decided to do both. I value contemplative moments; moments of reflection. I feel like it's necessary in order to see where I am headed and if there has been progress made. I also know the importance of spending time with friends. The mixture of both made for a very memorable and fun night!

All in all I need to make some changes going into this new year specifically in the area of health and wellness. Yeah, I run and try to maintain a healthy diet. I'm no elite runner but I have maintained a pretty good regime over the years. And I have a serious sweet tooth that needs to be tamed...but I try. The little voice is always in the back of my head when I am over indulging or skipping a work out. Recently after a night of Snickers and pork rines (with hot sauce) the little voice turned into a scream. Not only did I feel like crap but a cute pair of burgundy cordouroys seem to have gotten mysteriosly snug around the thigh area. That was my sign. I'm not one of those crazy dieters who try to lose 30 pounds in a month or eliminate all carbs. I'm more of the slow and steady change maker. I have learned that in order to make  real changes I have to create new habits and that takes time. I'm up for it though. My thighs will thank me later when I can get back in those pants and be able to breathe normally.
The wellness aspect pertains to my overall health; mental and emotional. Maintaining peace at all costs is vital to my existence. I can see some areas in my thought life where I need to have peace...I don't want to carry old ways of thinking into another year. Gotta let God get into those nooks and crannies of my mind and clean house.

After much resistence I have discovered that soy lattes are not as bad as I anticipated and skinny jeans can actually work for me. Change is good!