"Golden"

I feel like my life is changing...has changed rather. Newness is coming with the changes in my life. New housemates. New job. I can sense a distinct shift happening in my life. It's going to take a moment for my brain to catch up with all that's happening. It's funny because I can feel all this change happening but my body...my “norm”...is fighting against it. It says, “Just keep doing what you've been doing. You don't need to do anything different. You're life is fine the way it is.” That's the complacency in me talking. We all have a little bit of that lying dormant in us. It's a continual, intentional struggle to come against that uninvited guest. I woke up this morning, thanking God for His beauty, and allowing my mind to begin to settle into the Change.
I had a great conversation with a friend yesterday and she reminded me of my value and my life's desires. She said, “I want to see you traveling, writing, and posting pictures on your blog of all the exotic places you've been to!” She couldn't have captured my hearts desire in better words. It's more that the traveling, blogging, etc. For me, it's about enjoying life and actually living it. Why should I just look at pictures in a travel magazine, why not go there? Why should I just talk about things that would be fun and exciting to experience, why not do them? Why should I spend my time watching people on TV go after their dreams or create something out of nothing..is that possibility not available for me to? I believe it is and it's time to go after it. Years of preparation, teaching, failing and trying again have led up to this season of my life. I'm scared, no doubt. But, in the presence fear I will still move forward. Eventually the momentum will override the fear.
I began a new teaching job a few weeks ago and my class will begin on Tuesday (whoa!). My parents will be moving in with me this week (whoa again!). There is a very special man in my life who I have to take my grip off of and let him be free to be himself ; to discover his path and grow on his own (that's a hard one...deep breath...). These situations are forcing the mold I have lived in to be reshaped. Which means there will be painful moments and frustration but there will also be tremendous rewards awaiting me. I can't presume to know that the next 6 months will bring. It would be cliché to say how excited I am and how fantastic everything is going. That's obvious. The underlying truth is that a lot of my insecurities have been revealed in this transition. However I have been empowered by knowing that the more I lay before God the more I can be strengthened and equipped for what's ahead.

I'm ready.