Authenticity Arising

It’s funny how long we can go without being are true selves. Most folks don’t even know what that means or who they really are to begin with. There are masks we all wear and persona's we take on in certain atmospheres all for the sake of acceptance and comfort. I feel the most myself during the time I spend with God alone. There are no expectations, no judgments, not a right or wrong way to be. I can be me and that is accepted.


This morning I had a beautiful time of worship through song. In that moment I had a sense of who and what I truly am. I am child of God. I am a broken believer navigating this life on earth; sometimes I’m good sometimes I’m not. I’m learning not to get caught in the web of condemnation and also not to attempt, in my own logic, to pick myself up. Actually relying on and believing in the strength and love of God is a powerful act; a decision that can save weeks, months, and even years of time spent on trying to “fix” myself. I’m learning a different way of how to be with God at this stage of my life. I am a different person than I was 5 years ago and will continue to change in time.

What has been most profound lately has been admitting to myself what I really want and what is most important. The other day I was talking with a friend about a situation in my life involving a guy I have been seeing. I expressed to her my tendency to tell myself that I don’t know what I really want when it comes to dating and relationships. Telling myself that kind of acts as a scapegoat for decision making. If I don’t know what I want then there is no need to come to a decision about anything…just let it be or “hang out” as we call it. The truth is I know exactly what I want. My issue doesn’t lie in the not knowing, it’s settling for less. To allow yourself to deviate from what you want when your vision is clear is to introduce compromise and welcome all kinds of frustrations. The truth always trumps.

Step by step and moment by moment I am getting to know myself. Coming to the point of embracing the good and bad, the politically correct and the uncomfortable, and the fact that I’ve always been much different than most women around me is quite exciting! There are things about me that will never be normal according to the standards of our society. But who wants to use society as a gauge for normalcy anyway?! I’m perfectly fine being the odd duck. Or maybe it’s us odd ducks that folks should pay more attention to.

G