A New "View"

It's not a Madcap view but will have to do...

Once again I've deleted all my previous journal entries. I do this because it's not like I'm going back and reading them which means they are just taking up space on my computer. I would much rather write in a way that I will be inclined to go back and read what I have written. Keeping my journal entries in such an organized, compacted, filed-by-month-and-date type of way makes me look at them like homework assignments instead of the story of my life that they are. So here I am “starting over”, no dates, no times, no months...just words.
God has presented yet another opportunity to slow down and spend some time with him. Another unexpected snow day has brought me down to the coffee shop to read, study, and write. Normally I may have stayed home in my usual atmosphere and had this moment but lately I have been thinking about creating new routines. A friend said once that creating new habits is the beginning of change and I agree with him. Nothing will evolve in my life if I stay in the same patterns and expect different results. That's what they say insanity is right? My attempt at creating new habits has brought me out of my comfortable bubble and out in a new environment looking through a new window (well, it's not really new it's the Starbucks downtown but you know what I mean. Yeah, I had to improvise...Madcap was closed...darn snow!).

Creating rhythms for life seems to have a lot to do with time. Twice yesterday I heard the phrase, “Time is our most valuable commodity”. Managing this asset has always been a challenge. I'm so easily distracted by my mental list of things to do in a day that sometimes I don't realize when I'm misusing my time. God works in the realm of Time and how I treat it is substantial to the outcomes of my life.  How can I develop regular, repeated relationships, experiences and practices that make space for God in the busyness of my life? Without becoming legalistic, I have to take a look at my life right now. What practices do I make room for that are opening the door for closeness with God? The trick is to recognize things that may not suit the norm of how to spend time with God. The first thing that comes to mind is the book club I am a part of. Meeting with this group of ladies every Thursday morning at 6:30 a.m. (yes, you heard it right...) has opened a window in my mind and let in a fresh wind of thought that I have never experienced. Another way comes through the realization that when I write I am in tune with my most inner self and that makes me closer to God. These unconventional ways of continual conversation with God makes for a richer relationship than the experience of simply going to church once a week. Well, at least for me. One practice I am beginning to incorporate into my life is the habit of mental and spiritual preparation. I have been a runner since my freshman year of college; running is a big part of my life. Other than the obvious physical benefits it's a time of meditation and clarity which rewards my mental state. Preparing my mind for the day is equally, if not more important than physically preparing my body. So I have come up with my own personal Rule for Life: "Get your body right. Get your mind right". This is what I repeat to myself every morning. As I create a habit of this “rule” , in time, under no circumstance can it be broken. I experienced this fact when I was in college. I told myself that regardless of what happened, quitting school was not an option. I gave myself the option of taking less classes or perhaps not taking summer courses in order to work but quitting was not an option to be weighed. Getting that in my mind early on eliminated a lot of worry and created the tenacity I needed to graduate in 3 ½ years...in a 4+ year program. I'm not saying this as if it's easy, no real change ever is. However, my past experiences have given me confidence in knowing that if God has brought me through it once, there is hope for the future.

I had a precious moment with one of my students last week. He's going through a break-up with his girlfriend and he's pretty messed up about it. Even though he is only a teenager this was very real for him and a huge part of his life. I could have shrugged it off as two kids in “puppy love” but that would have meant minimizing his feelings and making him feel insignificant. And that's not my intention as a teacher. In that moment I realized how my recent experience created the space for me to be able counsel this hurting young man. I learned how our experiences, no matter how painful, are not in vain. I was able to be compassionate and not cynical. You know, you can still be the grown up without hammering down the gavel of judgement on these kids. Besides, he wasn't looking for me to tell what to do, he just needed someone to listen. There have been times when I needed someone to listen..just be there, you know? But when we can't have what we want it's important to be that exact thing for another.  I'm glad to have had the chance to take my past heartache and turn it into someone else's healing....which in turn is healing for me even more.