An afternoon latte topped with a little honesty

So this is supposed to be a "blog about my life" right? I suppose that means I have to be transparent...vulnerable...(gasp) open . Actually I can write about whatever I please and give people the perception of me that I create for them. That's the complexity of blogs, social networks, etc., you can be whoever you please no matter how false it actually is. I could choose to create a certain persona and play that out in words and pictures. It would be kind of like an alternate reality for me...like my own personal wonderland. However I would rather just be me. No matter how bland, uninviting, or unconventional my thoughts and experiences may be to someone else, I would rather live out of truth than perception. So here I go into the land of "honesty". No cute anecdotes, shallow commentaries or false pretenses. Just me...here and now.

This morning I invited a friend over for breakfast. We enjoyed waffles, eggs and good conversation. This particular friend was someone I dated briefly about a year and a half ago. Our dating experience didn't progress into much and we have remained friends ever since. Which is a good thing because this business of hating your ex is ludicrous to me. It requires much energy to be bitter and unforgiving and my exes are way to cute to be mad at! Seriously though, I would rather spend my energy on forgiveness and rebuilding a friendship than keying some one's car. Anyways, back to the breakfast. Even though we remained friends he was one of those guys I kept a question mark next to in my mind. I've wanted to know if anything could progress between us. So one day I asked him. (I know you tremble at the thought of even mentioning to the object of your affection your attraction but it's actually quite liberating). He told me that at this time in his life he wasn't in "relationship mode" and if he pursued anything further than a friendship he would probably f%*k it up. I accepted his honesty and moved on. Well, my mind moved on but my body couldn't get past his hotness. Breakfast this morning revealed his mutual attraction to me and the water was tested. What I discovered was that I was more interested in keeping him as my friend than turning him into a "friend with benefits".( Of course my hormones wanted to choke me for turning down someone who's level of "sexy" is a 10...I'm not kidding he's like freakin' 20!!) Even as I sit here now I'm thinking, "Are you sure? You can call him RIGHT NOW!" As tempting as that is, and believe me it is, I just can't get past that inner voice telling me not to pursue it. Because in the end that's all it would be:sex. I would rather have a lifetime of lasting memories than a short period of time we rolled in between the sheets. Call me old fashion but I'm just cut from a different cloth.
So today I learned that (1) I always have a choice, (2) I actually can exercise self-control if I want to and (3) I'm thinking about the after effects of my choices much more that I realized. This situation truly tested me because I have been attracted to this individual for a long time. But what matters to me most has outweighed temporary satisfaction and I find that to be a sign of growth.


Living Authentically,
G

Bathroom Revelations

I seem to have the most profound thought when in the bathroom (and the kitchen). I have no idea why sitting on the toilet provokes such clarity. Just a moment ago, while on the toilet, I reflected on a conversation I had with a friend last night. He was talking about a photographer who he admired and how he would like to emulate his work in a photo shoot. The work was full of bold colors and complex compositions, very energetic work. He further described his idea for what he wanted to accomplish. I thought about how I would react if I were approached with that kind of idea from a client. It forced me to examine my perception of certain artistic styles. Then it helped me think about my own work and how I would interpret a certain subject matter. What's good about having those conversations is that it helps me in my process of knowing myself as an artist. The conclusion I came up with is this: there is a quality of subtlety in art that I am drawn to. When a subject matter is portrayed so blatantly and literally it doesn't entice me. However, what does intrigue me is when an artist doesn't give me the entire meaning up front but allows me the opportunity to interpret for myself; the Subtlety Factor. At the same time there is a balance of subtlety that has to take place in order for me to stay involved. If an artist is too abstract and I can't extract any meaning whatsoever I get lost and uninterested. And then sometimes there is this way artists have about them that is trying too hard to be abstract and the work turns into a jumbled mess. I think that may be typical of an artist who is still trying to find their voice or trying to keep up with trends rather than be true to who they are.

The end of the matter is knowing yourself and trusting that voice within that speaks to the essence of you. Ignoring that and becoming a follower dilutes the truth of who we are as individuals and saturates our world with clones instead of authenticity.
                  
...amazing what a good trip to the bathroom with bring out of me...(hee hee)

Quotes and Coffee

I tried a Cafe Miel yesterday for the second time. This delectable treat is a latte with honey and cinnamon. The first time I had one the barista made one by accident and gave it to me because she knew I was a latte lover. One sip and I was sold! At this particular cafe they serve it in a smaller cup size than my first experience but it was just as pleasant. At first I thought, "What's with the baby cup?!" But after taking the first sip I realized that my greedy eyes do me no justice and the size was perfect. Usually I am the type who will get the same drink...same dish every time I go somewhere but I am in to trying new things lately. Which is exciting because it's like everything is a mini surprise! I enjoyed this new experience during a break I took yesterday afternoon. I was emphatically reminded by my sister that I NEED to take breaks and time for myself. I'm the biggest advocate of R&R but sometimes it's me who needs to take my own advice. As she pleaded with me last night to partake in a family vacation, I thought, "Am I one of those people who don't know how to take a vacation?" My co-worker would testify to the fact that I never use all my vacation time which ultimately leads to burnout. But I always seem to find a reason to work. Which isn't something I say proudly because rest is as much a part of life as working. And when I get to the point where I feel like my eyeballs are oozing out of my head because of all the time I have been staring ay my laptop clearly something is out of balance. Although I have a ways to go I have to give myself credit for being better than I used to be in terms of staying balanced.

The snowflakes are falling along with the tempurature. Too bad Swiss Miss upsets my stomach otherwise I would be stirring it up right now!

I'll end with a couple good quotes I came across yesterday while waiting in line for my Cafe Miel...

"I Never Have a Boring Day"..."I Require More"...two quotes I can relate to...well said!

Caribbean food to spice up a Monday

If anyone knows me they know first hand my love of food. When I got in the office this morning I came across a menu from a new Caribbean spot, Chez Olga, that has opened up near my job. I'm pretty much going to go down the menu and try everything!

Fried plaintains, creole style tilapia, gumbo...YUM!
I should just move in and take cooking lessons. Good thing I run because I would be in serious trouble if I didn't burn off all this good eating!

Songs that move

Well, the iron-deficiency got the better of me yesterday afternoon and evening. I could do no more than lay on the couch under my Snuggie (those things are friggin awesome!). The up side of taking some time to rest is that I had the chance to watched a powerful documentary called Soundtrack for a Revolution .
The film captured the melodies and lyrics that were birthed from the struggles and experiences of the Civil Rights Movement. Sung by contemporary artists like John Legend and The Roots, the film provided a window into a past, my generation will never see, through songs and music. These "old soul" songs juxtaposed with artists like Angie Stone and Mary Mary proved that even though that particular time in our history is over the spirit and power of the song live on and still carry the weight of the movement.
Something else that I sensed as I was watching is how disconnected this generation has become from a lack of remembrance. A 90 minute film opened my eyes (or re-opened) to all that has been done for me by my previous generations. And I felt a responsibility to always remember what has been done and who I am. It also reminded me of the cost and requirements of leadership. Two that come to my mind immediately are (1) not being concerned with the "norm" and (2) becoming bold in the skin you're in.

A song was sent to me by a colleague and it took me back to the simplicity of loving who God made me and not being timid about my purpose in life. It's not a current hit but it's okay to dig back and remember those songs, experiences and moments that define us.


Go 'head India girl!