Waking up at 4 a.m. has proven to be beneficial lately. Though it's quite early and my body is like, "What are you doing to me??!!*&$%", I have been able to get some good quality God time in...which is imperative otherwise I may snap off on someone...especially on the city bus...
I can feel the tiredness this morning (this is only day 2 of the 4 a.m. thing). It's so easy to succumb to that feeling and crawl back in the bed. But my mind is alert and staying still is not where I am am right now. As I have been reading Sun Stand Still, I can't recall ever asking God for anything really big...or rather believing for anything really big. I feel like my faith has always been in a really safe place. Not that I am asking for trouble but I am also seeking the extraordinary which requires some serious faith that I don't think I have truly experienced or exercised. Do I really want Salon 477 to be real? Do I really want to be a full time artist? Do I really want these things? Of course I say yes but how this that translating in my actions everyday is the question. Pondering these things...
One thing I have always been blessed with is time and solitude. Sometimes percieved as a burden or curse, I am changing my outlook on my life situation. It's so easy for single folks to seek companionship with another, which is absolutely natural, but what about embracing time alone as something to be valued instead of expending all energies of soul-mate seeking? I suppose I'm just different from the average bear when it comes to this subject. Don't get me wrong, my emotions ebb and flow constantly about relationships and dating but I have come to a realization in the last few days. And that is that (1) I am to be sought after, I'm not the seeker...and (2) God is doing some amazing things in my life right now and if I could get my focus on that then I would become available to so much more fulfilment.
The journey goes on...
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