Simplicity

I was talking with a friend over the weekend and she explained to me how she was simplifying her life; finances, kids, work, etc. A 'Simplification Overhaul' you could call it. I like that and try my best to live that was as well. Although lately I must admit that I have been caught up in the whirlwind of notions (all from society no doubt) that we have to be "doing" all the time. What about "being"? As I study Psalm 139 in depth and learn about how God has already shaped my identity in Him, I worry less about trying to become and focus more on simply being. We try so hard to become successful, become mature, become adults, and become independent. It's a constant rat race, chasing after a state of being that if we could stop for a moment we might realize we already have it. I understand that there is no state of nirvana here on earth, as humans we are never satisfied with what we have; always seeking more. However there are moments of extreme peace and clarity if we give into them and we have the ability to learn how to be content (Philippians 4). As the days draw near to the art competition I am preparing for I am taking inspiration from from my dear friend and simplifying some things I have allowed to get complicated. I'll drink a latte to that!

This is a photo I took of Scorpio Blues, a poet from California, who came to a poetry slam in Grand Rapids. Her stance is very comforting and made me feel as if she is relaxed in who she is and what she is about to share with her audience.

Yesterday and Today

8/23 7 a.m.
I am the master of squeezing as much as you possibly can into a day. Today was no exception. Quality tasks no doubt but nonetheless busy. In the midst of all of my running around there were profound moments of clarity. One thing I learned, yet again, is how much I am capable of when I set my mind to a thing.
During my quiet time with the Lord this morning the Holy Spirit gave me this..."Mediocrity can't stand next to greatness. You can be average or amazing but you cannot be both. Choose your way." Pretty deep huh?

8/24 7:33 a.m.
As I come back to "regular life" after 21 days of fasting I clearly see specific areas of my life that are changing. It's funny because I thought that during the fast is when I would see all these miraculous transformations but it has been in the days following that have been most impactful. I am not so eager to immediately go back to certain behaviors; junk food, candy and chocolates, countless cups of coffee and tea...and who knows how much sugar. Don't get me wrong I couldn,'t wait to head down to Madcap for a latte but the presence of control is very prevelant right now. Before I simply justified everything. Hard day at work? Latte. Frustrattion? Latte. No reason at all? Latte. The difference now is the ackowledgment of the habit/addiction and my power to choose my behavior. Do I have to have coffee everyday all day? No. Would I rather enjoy a good up now and again? Yes. I have the power to make my own decision and not let an outside force dictate me. Now that revelation deserves a latte!! Just kidding...

Friday Morning

As I come to the close of my time of fasting, I reflect on all that has happened over the past 3 weeks. I was awakened to an answered prayer, ended a dating relationship, learned some tasty new soup recipes, started a new art project (Artprize! woot woot!!), and learned what true relinquishing means and looks like. God has shown me specific areas of my life that He is changing...not a pleasant process but oh so rewarding in the end. It's kind of like exercise (for those who don't enjoy working out, I'm one of the weirdos who likes it). While you're doing it you feel like you could die at any moment but the results are priceless. That's how it feels to us during times of change, very uncomfortable and unpleasant. But who wants to be 'comfortable' all the time? How boring is that? I would much rather experience a little discomfort knowing the end result will produce something better than stay in a place of comfort all my life.
It was hard letting go of some things lately. However, those decisions have opened the door for newness...for change...for love and freedom.

It's been a little over a year since I purchased my house...or my little "gingerbread house" as I call it.

Owing a house is like new relationship, in the beginning you're all enamored by the excitement and potential the future holds but then as time goes on you realize all the work it will take to get it in the condition you want it to be in. The work it self is rewarding because you know in the end it will prove fruitful but it's still work.
Right now I'm in the process of rebuilding the front porch. Well I shouldn't say I am doing it...more like supervising.

When the porch was torn down we discovered the cement steps underneath. So, now I have to decide on whether to repair the steps and build a railing or construct an entirely new porch. Back to the relationship analogy...getting past the surface of a person will reveal those hidden things that were totally unexpected. And not to say that those things are bad things, they may just need a little TLC and time.
As you can see the exterior needs some cosmetic work and that will come in time. My main priority at the moment is to decide on the porch; keep it as is or rebuild? It's interesting how all things in life are somehow relative...

Daniel Fast Day 1

The battle of comparison is never won. I’m looking out the window wondering what the next phase of life will be. What will life after **** entail? I can remember looking out of the window of **** thinking the same thing. I used to think, “Will I ever move beyond this or is this it?” I knew it wasn’t it but I couldn’t see beyond those front windows. Now, I look out yet another window wondering the same thing. I know better though. I know for certain there is the “next level” but what is it is the question. So many wonderful things are going on around me and yet I belittle it all when I compare myself to someone else. Coveting someone’s life becomes easy when all you see is the glamour…the gutter is always invisible to the naked eye it seems. It’s in those dark, quiet, private moments when character is built and revealed…not in the spotlight. I think that’s why God has me in solitude so much; he’s preparing me to be able to handle whatever is to be my life’s work. There’s a lot of junk that has to be worked out. I can’t lie…it’s hard to watch others advance, get noticed and be in the spotlight especially when I know for certain I have the capability of being just as successful. It gets tough when I get that ‘waiting on the shelf’ feeling. But I have to remember that fine wine ages slowly; its value, flavor and potency increase with time. Its only job is to sit on the shelf and just be wine. Being who I am is all I need to do and God will do the rest. I know my responsibilities, I know my part. There are so many things God has planted inside me. I am coming to an understanding that though I know they are there and I can feel their life inside me, they need time to grow. Trying to put all of my ideas out there now would be detrimental and immature.
God help me as I grow. Teach me that with every step, you are there; in every idea, you are there. Even in every stumble you are there. I want to know you and be complete in your love, not lacking anything. Help me God to see myself as the unique one-of-a-kind creation you made